Hindsight

Dear Alexis,

Let’s make this one a short one.

It’s been a shit week. One that I’m glad is over.

I don’t usually mind having a bad week. I understand that rough times are a part of life and that there isn’t anything you can do about them, you just have to ride them out.

The most annoying thing about this shit week is that I know it could have been avoided. At the beginning of the year, I made a conscious decision to change the direction of my life. I didn’t need to, I was happy and okay with the way things were going. But the opportunity presented to me was too good to pass up. I really felt like I was making the right decision. I was so excited about everything that was about to happen. I was excited to experience the growth that I expected. I couldn’t wait to embrace a new environment, to be challenged and to better myself.
This week, though, those thoughts came to a crashing halt.

As this week came to a close, I had to force myself to not beat myself up for making the choices I did. Instead, I asked myself, would I make the same choice again?

There is one part of me that says I wasted my time and that I’ve put myself in a worse place now than I was before. The changes that are currently taking place are going to put us in a challenging position and will make the rest of the year more of a juggling act. This pessimistic part of me says that I made the wrong decision, I wasted my time and I should have stuck with what I knew.

There is another part of me that knows that I’ve met some beautiful people over the last four months. These people have challenged me, inspired me and taught me new ways of thinking. In a short amount of time I’ve forged strong and trusting relationships, and this has reminded me how enjoyable it is meeting new people. It’s also given me space to work on friendships with people I don’t see every day.
This optimistic part of me says that I set out to challenge myself, to place myself into a situation which was new, uncomfortable and scary, and that despite the tears and the final outcome, that’s exactly what happened.
The last four months have cemented, in my mind, the type of person that I want to be and how I want to treat others. This experience has highlighted what I need to work on within myself and my attitude towards people and situations.

I can walk away knowing that I may not have done everything perfectly or with the utmost grace, but I did what I thought was right and fair. I know that I handled every situation as well as I could and that I haven’t disappointed myself in the process.

I always thought that hindsight was my enemy, it’s often said that hindsight “is a bitch”. I disagree. Hindsight gives us insight, and in the hands of the right person, freely gives foresight. Hindsight gifts us with clarity and understanding for when we tackle our next challenge. The lessons that I’ve learnt from this experience outweigh my regrets. Every moment is an opportunity to learn. It’s only a waste of time if you don’t take the time to reflect, learn and grow.

So, in hindsight, would I go through the last four months again? Even though I’ve had to take a massive step backwards and was forced to start again a second time? Even though I feel a bit battered and bruised? Even though I’m still so far away from where I want to be?
Yes, I would. The only thing I can change about all that has happened is my attitude towards my experiences, myself, and those involved. So, that’s what I will focus on.

I want you to learn from your yesterdays, Alexis. Hindsight doesn’t exist only to force us into regret. Instead, it enables us to enter into our future with both confidence and wisdom.


I love you xx