Bitter or Better?

​Last night, you came to me and cried. Your sobs were soft, filled with conversations and questions of "why aren't I good enough?"
In this situation, I didn't have the answers. I didn't know what to say. Of course, I encouraged you that you are good enough, but other people aren't. But you won't remember my words; you will remember your feelings - your feelings are your truth, and I am not about to tell you your truth isn't correct.

Honestly, if I were faced with your situation, I would feel the same heartache. I suffered from rejection, but not to the same extent as you.

Life hasn't dealt you the best hand, and I take responsibility for the part I've had to play in this. There are times when I have let people in, thinking we could trust them, and my judgment has been incorrect. Me having to make the call that they are not our people has hurt you. They've gone, and their lack of effort has hurt you. Or their actions while they've been with us have caused you harm.
And, I could say they needed to control their behaviour, which isn't my fault (which is true), but I'm not about to pass the blame onto them to deflect from my wrongdoing - that of trusting those who never deserved our trust. I shouldn't have let them in. I should have slowed down to protect your heart because you are still learning how to do this; it's my job to teach you. And you, with your sweet nature, you trust whom I trust. I can admit where I've gone wrong, and Alexis, although I've apologised to you in private, I want to do the same here.

I am sorry for the people I have let into our lives who should never have been there. I'm sorry that you've been affected by my poor judgment. I'm sorry that my efforts to determine who is and isn't safe have impacted you so deeply. I will keep trying to do better. But Alexis, remember this: as people come and go, and I will not. I am solid, I am secure, I am not going anywhere, ever.

Last night, though, that was different because this one had nothing to do with my actions or who I've let in. It's more about where you have been removed from.
Your heart, so fragile that you repeatedly put it back together, was cracked again last night. Little bits of it break off, falling away, which we won't be able to put back on. We will keep the pieces of your broken heart in a jar on the shelf; we will admire that the brokenness hasn't destroyed you but has made you stronger, softer, sweeter, and kinder. The shattered pieces will glimmer in the sun and

Anyway, all of this got me thinking.
Thinking about all the hurt, pain and suffering people go through.
Two people can face the same situation and circumstances in completely different ways.
There are two types of people in the world.
Those who get bitter.
Those who get better.

This is my theory. Sit with me as I unpack it. Those who get bitter are victims. They believe the world is against them and everyone and everything is conspiring to harm them.
There often isn't accountability for actions or the ability to reflect on what can be done differently next time.
The glass is always half empty, and instead of seeing the beauty that can come from a storm, people see only the destruction caused. Tricky times don't become a catalyst for change or growth.

Now, in no way am I saying we should embrace toxic positivity. There are times when things happen, and they just hurt. There isn't a moment of positivity. These times don't make sense, and not only that, we don't want to make sense of them. They just hurt.
However, after a certain time (and there isn't a definitive answer to how long that time frame should be), we need to work out how to move forward and not let it destroy us or our hearts. There comes a point when we need to say, "The storm doesn't define me; how I rebuild will define me. I will define myself."

And this is when a separation occurs in people - will you continue to sit in the hurt and be bitter?
Or will you define the storm and become better?
Will we not ask the question of how we were hurt but how we grow?
I can look back on every person and thank them for something they have given me. I can also look back and see what they have taken from me.

Let me give you an example -
One person gave me the resolve that I will never again compromise my relationship with you. However, there is a little piece of my heart that is terrified to trust another person with you or Solomon.

Another person took away my right to feel safe in my own home. In turn, when we left, I learnt it was up to me to set the standard for our home—a place that is full of safety and love, even when we make mistakes.

Someone made me beg for respect and left me with the ability to walk away when simple human respect isn't offered.

To become better, we must look beyond the harm that was caused and the lessons learnt during these experiences.

One of my favourite trends currently is 'no revenge', because...
This is the ultimate bitter or better flex - The power of saying "no revenge (bitter), because (better).

So here we go -
No revenge because we're too focused on healing.
No revenge because we will show off the love we deserve.
No revenge, because our hearts are the fullest they've ever been.
No revenge because we've never laughed so hard, danced so often, rested so well or loved so deeply.
No revenge because I can pour that energy into our family.
No revenge because your demons are scarier than mine.
No revenge because saying "goodbye" to you meant saying "hello" to me.
No revenge because we were taught which type of people to let in and which type to avoid.
No revenge because all I want for us is to become the best versions of ourselves.

No revenge because seeking revenge would make us bitter, and we're here to get better.