Boys Who Marry Boys & Girls Who Marry Girls.

You came running up the stairs and declared, “Mum, I got married to a boy. But I didn’t marry a girl, God would be sad if I got married to a girl."
Fuck. My mind seized up. This was not the conversation I was expecting, but it was a conversation that I was ready for.

"Why do you think God would be sad, babe?" I gently asked you, continuing to do whatever housework I was doing.
"Because God wants boys to marry girls and girls to marry boys."
"Alexis, if you married a girl and were mean to her and made her sad, what would make God's heart sadder being married to her or being mean to her?"
"I think God would be sad if I were mean."
"Alexis, if you wanted to marry a girl and felt like you couldn't and were sad forever, what would upset God more, you being sad or being married to a girl?"
"I don't think God wants me to be sad," you responded.
Then I asked my final question, "Alexis, if you married a girl and were kind to her and happy, do you think that would make God happy or sad?"

You had to think about this one. I watched as you thought it through. By this stage, I was no longer focused on the housework, my focus was entirely on you.
"I don't know, Mum."
"That’s okay, babe. Right now, you don't have to know. But you need to know that God loves us no matter who we marry. God wants you to be kind, accepting and loving. That’s what he is worried about. If you were married to a girl and you were happy and kind to her, that would make God happy."

If God is who I think he is, Alexis, he isn't worried about who we marry. He does worry about how we treat the people we love though. If God is who I think he is-- loving and accepting of all people--then I wonder why churches aren't teaching this. Why does this conversation keep coming up like there aren't better things for us all to focus on?

I’m afraid that what you're learning is that God isn't accepting of everyone and that, because of this, you may not be either. I worry that, one day, if you ever feel confused about who you love or who you are, you might think God doesn't love you because of it. Or should you ever do the wrong thing--as I did--you will believe that God will reject you.

Alexis, I hope that one day, many years from now, you'll learn to hold your faith in God, not in the church. I don't want to come across as a church hater. It has its place. I just don't want you to ever believe that the church is God, as I once did.

I hope the church teaches you to love, not hate. And I hope they teach you acceptance, not judgement. And I hope they teach you to read the bible with critical thinking and reflection. I also hope they teach you that the God who is love and who created love, loves all love. And a God who loves people and created people loves all people - no matter their gender or their sexual orientation or how they identify.

But even if they don’t, I will.

I promise to do it gently and try not to confuse you. You have lots of important people teaching you lots of conflicting messages in your life, so I'll always aim to be respectful. I want to teach you to be critical about what you are taught. I want you to not just take everything at face value. Alexis, think about everything and see where it sits within your heart and mind, then decide the right path forward for you.

It makes me sad that you view God as someone who is always going to judge you, and be sad or angry with you. Boys love boys and girls love girls and some boys have female anatomies and some girl have male anatomies. And you know what, God loves everyone. Without question or reserve. Maybe you’ll end up loving a boy, or a girl, or both or anyone and everyone. Maybe one day you’ll identify as a male and the faith that you hold shouldn’t make you feel afraid. In any relationship, even with God, if you are so afraid that you stop yourself from thinking, feeling, living or being who you are, you need to reconsider whether that relationship is healthy for you.