The Beginning

​It started in June 2016. It was raining outside. The TV was off and gentle music was playing. My 3 year old was captivated in play. My back to her, I turned around as I heard her chatting to her toys, creating a new world in our lounge room, singing to herself and her toys when the game called for it and in an unexpected moment I was at peace, for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. My arms were covered in bandaids and scars. My heart was broken. I was struggling with an eternal amount of hurt, sadness and depression; enemies which no longer scared me. I learned that they weren't going anywhere so I functioned alongside them. I had learned to welcome them as friends. However, during this moment they were no longer companions, but felt like a distant memory. In this moment, Peace was my newest companion. I hadn't spent much time with Peace, but I welcomed her. She was so gentle, I did't want her to leave. Quickly drying my hands I wanted to capture the moment where Peace came to visit our tiny little corner of the world, ever so briefly. It would be a while between visits.
 
"My darling #alexislaine" I wrote. And so #addressedtoalexis started. In a single unexpected moment. It wasn't amazing an amazing letter, or even too captivating, but I wanted to speak to future her. I posted my first letter to Instagram, and so it started... My little journey of learning, talking to my baby, who I hoped would be able read these letters in the future. I wanted her to know what I thought about the world and thought about her. Not that I thought my words would change her life, or change anyone else's for that matter but writing was a safe outlet for me. From her conception I wrote my thoughts and words down, I didn't want to forget the journey and even more, I wanted her worth to be known. Often writing in notebooks, I would misplace them. Typical of me. So I would find another one and start the process again.
 
Move forward about a year, I am at work talking to a mate, "Joe, I want to start a blog". Being the encouraging friend he is, he told me to go for it. I didn't. Time and time again I have started this journey, alway putting it off. For some reason it seemed too overwhelming, too scary. Even blogging I could fail and I had taught myself to avoid situations where I could fail.
 
I sat down a few months ago and started this site. It's existed in silence the last few months, however has played on my mind a few times.
 
I sat today and thought "will people even want to read this?"
Then I went onto questioning what people want to read about... Food and fitness? Both of which I partake in. I am not silly enough to think people would want to read about my food thoughts. My thoughts around food are normally "coffee is a good breakfast option" and "microwavable rice is one of the best modern man inventions... add tuna and you have yourself a feast" Not exactly riveting or life changing stuff.
 
I then realised that this is for 2 people, firstly me. I need a safe place to write consistently, I need to write about whatever I want, when I want. People can come if they please, but I don't need to know. I am not here for people, I am here for me.
And the second person, well she is only learning to read. She sounds her words out slowly, but with determination. When she sounds it out she turns her head to look at me, our eyes meet and with a smile she knows she has it. Once was 3, now is 5.
 
Alexis, you are my person, this is for you. Lets learn together.
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The original #addressedtoalexis

#addressedtoalexis
 
June 17th, 2016
 
My darling #alexislaine ,
 
•moments•
 
Remember this word. 
Remember this photo. 
To anyone looking in, this moment is seemingly insignificant. To anyone else it holds no worth or value. To anyone else it's a little girl playing on the ground, while her mother does the dishes. To someone else it may be a mother taking yet another photo, or it could look like a mess in a lounge room. 
To me, it was a moment. One I hope to cherish. 
Rain outside, music inside, and your little voice filling the rest of the space. With your chatter about toys and where they were going. With your little laugh. For once the mess didn't look like mess, it looked like activity. I wasn't worried about time or where we needed to be next. We were just being. 
This was my moment. Looking down and learning that moments are more often found in the insignificant than the significant. It's the insignificant that makes life so significant. 
Today, turning around after finishing the dishes my heart was filled with peace and love. Something I haven't experienced a lot of lately. And I felt overwhelming blessed to be in this time with my little girl, in our little lounge room, playing. Safe. Happy. Content. And most of all, loved. 
Baby girl, look for the small moments, don't shun them away! They'll be the memories you hold onto in the future. They'll be the situations which turn you in to a strong and brave woman. 
Don't scoff at situations that aren't glamorous, learn from them! Hold them dearly. Don't take them for granted. I am only learning this now. 
Your moments are now, 
 
Mummy X