The Heart

​I stood in a book shop and searched. I was bored with the books I was reading to Lexi, we both needed something new. 
I saw a book that was now living at her dad’s house, Lost and Found by Oliver Jeffers. Remembering I liked the illustrations of that book, I thought he would be a good starting point. Flicking through the options I came across a yellow cover, The Heart and the bottle, it read. Intrigued by the title I picked it up and started to read. As I read the last page, I wiped my eyes; you know how in teenage chick flicks the girls carry their school books by hugging them to their chest? Well, on my way to the counter, I may have carried this book in the same fashion. I am such a cliché. I was grateful for the treasure I had found in the children's corner of a little Hobart book store.
 
Upon reflection I actually had so many moments of peace in what felt like a very stormy season.
 
Lexi and I take turns in deciding what book we read at night... I always choose The Heart and the Bottle, and Lexi always knows it, often saying "let me guess... You are going to chose The Heart and the Bottle again?" 
It’s either that or Oh the Places You'll Go.
 I strongly believe every adult should own a copy of these books (and every other book Jeffers has written, I think he's fantastic).
 
Let me give you a quick synopsis…
 
A little girl likes to read with someone who you assume is her grandfather as he sits in his rocking chair, then one day she faces an empty chair. Yes, it's that subtle, the chair is just empty, no explanation really. Her grandpa is gone, and since she feels like she can't risk too much strain on her heart again, the girl grows up solitary, putting her heart in a bottle which she wears tied to a string around her neck. This doesn't make her life easier, as one might imagine. The bottle gets in the way of normal life activities. One day she meets a young girl who reminds her of the beauty of life. Wanting to experience life again she tries to remove her heart from the bottle and place it back where it belongs. It turns out that in keeping the heart "safe" for so long she’s forgotten how to remove it, and even worse, the correct use for it. She eventually gives up and takes her heart to the little girl, who helps free it.

I've added a YouTube link for those of you who cannot access a bookshop before the completion of this letter.
Unfortunately every YouTube clip let me down and, I feel, didn't do the book justice, but it will just have to do.

​Darling, darling Alexis,


You own a lot.
You have a lot.


But nothing, nothing you can hold in your hands, nothing you can buy, nothing on earth will ever be as precious as your heart.
Nothing will ever be as sacred, or important, or mysterious as one’s heart.


It can break so easily.
And yet, somehow, makes us act with so much tenacity.
In one moment it creates a fierce protector, in the next a gentle comforter.
In its breaking, it builds again.
It causes strangers to feel compassion from a distance.
Causes others to stand up for those who they have never, will never, meet.
The breaking of hearts can build societies. It can create change for the better or worse.
It’s so strong, and yet so fragile at the same time.


Alexis, you can’t expect people to look after your heart.
They won’t.
They’ll look after their own heart.


Everyone has their own understanding of how their heart should be treated by others, and how they should treat others.
For me, I try to hold my own heart knowing that it’s for me to look after, but not at the detriment of others.
My heart is no more important than another's.
My feelings, my tears, my smile; they do not trump others, both now or ever.
But if someone doesn’t see that my heart is important, I’ll keep it hidden from them. Only letting them see parts of who I am, not the whole. Or, I won't allow that person near my heart, or yours.


Lexi, let’s talk about your heart.


Your heart exists to teach you!
 
You heart gives you life; it gives your life meaning. 
Passion, compassion, purpose, wonder, they all stem from the existence of a heart at work.
The little girl found wonder in the stars and the sea! Her heart taught her to be grateful of her existence in the enormity of the ocean and the universe.
After placing her heart into safe keeping nothing was the same. She forgot about the stars... and stopped taking notice of the sea.
When you have forgotten about the parts of life which make you feel overwhelmingly grateful, yet insignificant at the same time, you know that something is wrong.
There are parts of life which we should stop and notice. We know we have put our hearts away when we no longer notice them.


Your hearts safe place is not in a bottle.
 
Feeling unsure, the girl thought the best thing was to put her heart in a safe place.
Find out what your safe place looks like, but let me tell you, from someone who has tried to keep their heart in an air tight jar, your safe places are those that allow for you to feel, where the storm can touch you. The girls safe place was not a jar, but in the curiosities of the world, the thoughts of the stars, the wonders of the sea.


My hearts safe place is in running, in writing, in being outside, in sitting alone in cafes. My hearts safe spaces are those places which allow for me to exist without demand or expectation, in comfortable silences. My hearts safe place is with you & in being with people who remind me how to use my heart and treat it well.
It's in the places which allow for me to feel safely and teach me that to feel anything, we must feel everything.


No heart belongs in a bottle. Its purpose is to love and to be loved. Its purpose is to be used.
Her heart became heavy and awkward around her neck. It wasn't being used for its intended purpose.


Hearts don’t belong in jars. It got in the way of everyday activities. Because it wasn’t being how it should, it was heavier than it should have been; however, I guess it reminded her that it needed to be used. Desired to be used. Deserved to be used.


It surprises me when people say, "I don't want to love someone, it’s too much risk, what if I get hurt?"
I surprise myself when I stop myself from pursuing my hearts passion in fear of failure.


Watch your mind. Your mind gets in the way of your passions, of your hearts drive and purpose.


Alexis, the thing about a heart in a bottle, everyone can see it, but no one can access it.
There is no strength in saying, "hey, look at my heart. It's so neat and intact, but you can never touch it". That’s not strength. Strength is saying, "Here is my heart, my feelings. I want you to be gentle with it, but even if you're not, I will fix it up, but it will not stop me taking notice of the things that make me whole. I won’t give up on people, on experiences, on giving, on receiving.


There is no glory in getting to the end of your journey with your heart in one piece.



A full life demands risks.
 
Risks result in bruises, in falls, and in standing back up again. I would rather a heart that’s been well used, than a heart that hasn't felt at all.
There is almost a sense of pride when people talk about how high their walls are. “I have so many walls, no one can get in, no one can hurt me”.
 
Building walls doesn’t build strength.
 
Walls don’t just shut others out, it shuts you in. No view was ever seen from standing behind a big ugly brick wall.
 
I saw this last night by notesontheway via Instagram 

There is no weakness in feeling.


True use of your heart happens when you allow others into your life
Keeping your heart “safe” not only stops you from loving others, but also being able to be loved by others.


I believe it’s sadder to never experience real love, both giving and receiving, than to be hurt.
In using your heart, to any capacity, it will get hurt.


...had she not met someone smaller and still curious about the World.


The story alludes to the fact that to feel, learn, experience and grow, we need others to help us, to show us how to live. The story shows us that an existence of isolation is no real existence at all.


Darling girl, you are this for me. You are my “someone smaller and still curious about the world”. You notice the moon up in the day, and want to know why.
You notice birds and ask about where they go to sleep at night.
You notice others’ hearts, my heart. “Mummy are you tired? Or do you feel sad?”


You notice how your friends are feeling.
You love the ocean,
And being outside.
You love dancing and singing.
You are curious about the stars.
You love cuddles and spelling words out.
Your curiosity and the way you use your heart challenges me to use my own heart to its full capacity.


And in turn, when you see my heart at use it inspires yours.


But Alexis, take note.
Storing your heart away doesn't keep it safe, it suffocates it.
It needs warmth, sun, rain and air to grow


The bottle that the girl placed her heart in could not be broken. But once she handed it to the small girl it was removed. I don’t know what she did with the bottle though... I would like to know, because it wasn't broken, just empty.


The bottle was still there for her heart to slip back into.
Be careful not to go back to keeping yourself safe.


There is no shame in wanting to feel to your full capacity.
In no way am I encouraging you to be stupid with your heart and life! I just believe that at the end of all of it, I want to know that I have been brave enough to use my heart, no matter the risk.
 
Alexis, use your heart and use it well.
Please, love to a capacity which feels like you can't handle it.
Hope for the situations which seem completely hopeless.
Stop and notice the strength and enormity of the sea.
Lie down and notice the millions of starts with are beyond your capacity to count

It’s easy to try and hide away when we are hurt, because it feels like we can't handle anymore.


But...
 
Hearts don't belong in bottles.